Jeff Rickard

Transform Your Inner Critic into Your Inner Coach

Research indicates that the average person - that means you! - talks to himself or herself about 50,000 times a day.  And most of that self talk is about yourself, and according to the psychological researchers, it is 80% negative - things such as  I shouldn’t have said that…. They don’t like me…. I’m never going to be able to pull this off…. I don’t like the way my hair looks today…. That other team is going to kill us …. I can’t dance…. I’ll never be a good skater…. I’m not a speaker…. I’ll never lose weight…. I can’t ever seem to get organized…. I’m always late.

We know from the research that these thoughts have a powerful effect on us.  They affect our attitude,our physiology and our motivation to act.  Our negative thoughts actually control our behavior.  They make us stutter, spill things, forget our lines, break out in a sweat, breathe shallowly, feel scared and taken to the extreme, they can even paralyze or kill us.    This was taken from Jack Canfield’s book “The Success Principle”

     I had this “self talk” concept told to me about a year ago.  Since then I am amazed how much I beat myself up or complained internally about work and personal issues.  When I was in the car driving to work I would have conversations with myself  complaining about or reliving frustrating moments at work.  There was no one there, just me getting all wound up.  After hearing about “self talk” I began to realize what I was doing; it was crazy.  The truth is I love my job and where I work so it was just me making the everyday challenges, that are at all jobs, into my own personal drama.  What a waste of time!  I have stopped that behaviour, for the most part, and I arrive each day with a better attitude.

     Another personal story of self talk is that I used to say that I was to busy to be a good friend.  I had two kids in sports (if you’ve been there I don’t need to explain), I had my parents move here from Chicago, I had a demanding job and I was relatively newly married.  My plate was full!  So when friends would ask to do something I would always say “no you don’t want to be friends with me, I don’t have time to be a good friend”.  I would say that ALL the time - for a long time.  Eventually, guess what?  I had no real friends.  So when my mentor, Pete Lansing, told me all I needed to do to increase business was to go make 10 friends in the real estate business, I realized I just spent 5 years “self talking” myself out of friendships. 

     I have spent the last year trying to make friends again, it sounds crazy because if you know me I am very fun and easy going and you would think I would have tons of friends, but the “self talk” was stopping that from happening.

Do not let “self talk” keep you from what you want!  Do not let “self talk” keep you from asking for the business!  Do not let”self talk” keep you from being all you can be!  Instead of beating yourself up listen to yourself and change you internal dialogue.  It makes a difference.  Like the book says “You can be your own coach”.              

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